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Have you ever wondered why our lives are so often filled with chaos, despair, and worry? Why do we always feel the need to compete and push ourselves and others? Why does it seem like moments of peace, love, and happiness come and go quickly? And why is it that humans engage in conflict and discord, while animals’ relationships appear much more peaceful in comparison? The answer may seem simple, but it can be difficult for us to fully understand. The methods we’ve been taught to find happiness often end up reinforcing the very emotions and actions that make us unhappy.
“Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt
It’s really important for us to understand this basic idea. The usual ways we’ve been taught to find happiness don’t actually work and can’t truly make us feel fulfilled. If we don’t realize and accept this truth, we won’t be able to progress to a higher level of awareness.
Let me explain why.
Most of us think that our desires, which are influenced by our emotions, are trustworthy and will lead us to do things that make us happy. But the truth is, no one has ever found lasting happiness by simply acting on their desires driven by emotions. We might feel brief moments of pleasure, but real happiness remains out of reach.
Our wants and desires can be very tempting. They make us believe that we absolutely need them in order to be happy. They trick us into thinking that if we achieve certain things, like becoming the CEO of a big company, we will finally find happiness. However, have you ever seen a president who is genuinely happy? They may have fancy boats and expensive cars, but does that mean they are truly content? Does having those things make their worries and problems go away?
We often trick ourselves into thinking, “If I could just go back to school and get more knowledge, maybe even a Master’s degree, then I’d be happy.” But does having advanced degrees really make people happier than the rest of us? While learning is great, expecting it to bring us peace, love, and happiness can be misleading. Similarly, we convince ourselves that finding the perfect person to love will bring us happiness. So, we search for someone who fits our desires perfectly, and we might feel some moments of joy. But since we don’t truly understand what it means to love, the relationship slowly falls apart. Eventually, we realize that maybe that person wasn’t right for us after all. As we grow and become more aware, we understand that being the right person ourselves is more important than finding someone who seems perfect.
To navigate life effectively, it’s important to understand why our negative emotions often lead us astray. These emotions come from the hurts and scars we’ve experienced over time. They make us focus on what makes us anxious, rather than seeing the things we have in common with others and being able to understand and love them. Our current emotional programming causes us to view other people (and the situations we encounter) as threats that could harm us. As a result, our bodies react by releasing adrenaline, increasing our heart rate, raising our blood sugar, and triggering other instinctual responses that prepare us to fight or run away. This keeps us stuck in our familiar ways of seeing the world.
When we gain a clearer understanding through higher consciousness, we should not see any situation or person as an emotional threat or danger. Think about the major problems you’ve faced recently. Are you worried about losing your job? Is the person you love paying more attention to someone else than to you? Do you have unpaid bills that you can’t handle? Are you concerned about your health, like a possible illness causing pain?
These problems can be solved or they can’t. If you can do something right away to fix them, take that step, even if it’s just a small one. Worrying or feeling anxious about a problem only makes you tired. Instead, focus on what you can do, but don’t get too attached to the results, because that will only make you worry even more. On the other hand, if there’s nothing you can do right now to solve a problem, why make yourself uncomfortable and waste your energy worrying about it? It’s a part of your current reality, the situation you’re in right now. Worry, anxiety, and other unpleasant feelings aren’t really necessary and they make it harder for you to think clearly and take effective action.
It’s important to truly understand that worrying unnecessarily is a waste of time and energy. When you constantly worry, it prevents you from experiencing the flow of effectiveness and joy that should be a part of your life. If you believe that these negative emotions have a purpose, it will hold you back from reaching a higher level of awareness. By not burdening yourself emotionally when things don’t go as expected or desired, you’ll have more energy and might even need less sleep. You’ll be able to experience joy, love, and genuinely appreciate each moment of your life, regardless of what’s happening in the world or the circumstances around you.
How and where did we learn these emotional patterns? Most of them were acquired during our early years. For example, when we were young children, we might have experienced situations where our mothers forcefully took away a perfume bottle from us, expressing their concern about it breaking. This made us cry. As we grew up, we were often pushed, dominated, instructed, and controlled, which led to the development of strong emotional patterns related to security, sensation, and power. Many of these patterns were shaped by repeated moral guidelines or statements telling us how things “should” be. As a result, we developed a self-consciousness with automatic emotional reactions, almost like a robot, to protect this separate self and ensure its survival.
Thus, we learned to believe that being powerful, having control, and being able to control others is what makes us happy. As time went on, we became very sensitive to anything or anyone that seemed like a threat to our desire for power. We would react strongly to situations or people that could potentially challenge our need to control and manipulate others and our environment.
As we grow older and our brains become more aware, we already have the power we need. However, our brains try to make up for the lack of power we felt when we were babies and young children by using our emotions. Now, we have to learn how to adapt and go with the flow in our relationships and situations. But our addiction to power stops us from truly loving others because we see them as things that might threaten our power, status, or position in a hierarchy. If we want to feel love and be loved by others, we can’t be controlled by power or any other addiction.
To be happy in life, we need to understand who we truly are and what’s happening around us. This might sound simple, but it requires constant inner reflection. We should learn to accept our present situation and be emotionally calm so that we can make wise choices when dealing with people and circumstances.
Quick Tips on Lasting Happiness
Understand Yourself: The key to finding happiness is to have a clear understanding of who you truly are. You are not just the roles you play in society, but a deeper consciousness. Recognize this truth about yourself.
Embrace the Present: Happiness can be found by fully accepting and embracing the present moment. Instead of constantly dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, focus on what is happening right now. Practice being mindful and fully engaged in the present.
Let go of Addictions: Identify the things that have a negative hold on you, such as power addiction or any other harmful habits. These addictions prevent you from experiencing true happiness. Work on breaking free from them and finding healthier alternatives.
Practice Gratitude: Develop a gratitude practice by regularly acknowledging and appreciating the blessings in your life. Take time to reflect on the things you are grateful for, big or small. Gratitude helps shift your focus towards positivity and enhances feelings of happiness.
Let go of Expectations: Release the rigid expectations you have for yourself, others, and life in general. Unreasonable expectations often lead to disappointment and unhappiness. Embrace a mindset of flexibility and openness to allow for positive surprises and new possibilities.
Break Free from Programming: Recognize that the beliefs and patterns of thinking you developed in your early years may be holding you back from happiness. Challenge and reprogram any negative or limiting beliefs that no longer serve you.
Practice Self-Care: Take care of yourself both physically and mentally. Make time for activities that bring you joy and nourish your well-being. Prioritize self-care to recharge and replenish your energy.
Cultivate Positive Relationships: Surround yourself with supportive and loving people who uplift you. Nurture positive relationships that bring out the best in you and encourage personal growth. Seek connections that are based on mutual respect and understanding.
Let Go of Judgment: Release the habit of judging yourself and others. Embrace compassion and understanding instead. Recognize that everyone is on their own journey and has their own unique challenges. Practice empathy and kindness towards yourself and others.
Focus on Inner Growth: Place emphasis on personal growth and continuous learning. Engage in activities that expand your knowledge, skills, and perspectives. Cultivate a mindset of curiosity and a willingness to explore new ideas and experiences.
Live Authentically: Be true to yourself and live in alignment with your authentic self. Embrace your unique qualities and express them genuinely. When you live authentically, you attract opportunities and experiences that resonate with who you truly are.
Embrace the Journey: Understand that happiness is not a destination but a continuous journey. Embrace the ups and downs of life, knowing that each experience contributes to your growth and well-being. Find joy in the process of self-discovery and personal evolution.
By incorporating these tips into your life, you can deepen your understanding of the secret to happiness and experience greater fulfilment and joy.
